Woody Allen ha compiuto ottant’anni! #Woody80

meta/phr(eɪ)Ze - In occasione dell'ottantesimo compleanno di Woody Allen, una serie di sue celebri citazioni

“Woody Allen made it acceptable for beautiful women to sleep with nerdy, bespectacled goofballs; all we need to do is fabricate the illusion of intellectual humor, and we somehow have a chance.” (Chuck Klosterman)

“Woody Allen ha reso accettabile l’eventualità che un quattrocchi impacciato e un po’ sfigato potesse finire a letto con una bella donna… tutt’a un tratto anche per noi si apre uno spiraglio: non dobbiamo far altro che illuderci che si possa far ridere in maniera intelligente.” (Chuck Klostermantrad.metaphraze)

Su Woody Allen è stato detto e scritto di tutto. Lo hanno definito uno dei comici più rappresentativi della storia americana, capace di offrire – con umorismo pungente e spirito critico – uno spaccato cinico e disincantato del XX (e XXI) secolo.

Stephen Merchant (regista, attore comico, sceneggiatore di The Office, ideatore e protagonista di Hello Ladies) lo ha definito “il Bob Dylan della comicità“. C’è chi lo venera, e chi lo trova semplicemente un ometto strano che ti dà sui nervi.

Allan Stewart Konigsberg nasce a Brooklyn il primo dicembre 1935. Pubblica le sue prime barzellette su un giornale locale, firmandosi Woody Allen.

A partire da quelle storielle si sarebbero sviluppati i suoi monologhi degli inizi: piccoli capolavori di inventiva, comicità e ritmo che già allora presentavano i tratti tipici dello stile che avrebbe contraddistinto il cineasta negli anni a venire. La poetica dello sfigato, intellettuale mancato, perduto in un universo popolato da ex mogli infuriate e genitori anaffettivi.

Era tutto un tic, mentre calcava il palcoscenico e proponeva i suoi pezzi ad un pubblico che fondamentalmente lo terrorizzava: la testa che ondeggiava, le braccia smaniose che non smettevano di agitarsi. Tutto questo alla fine degli anni ’60, ossia all’apice del successo come comico di stand-up. All’epoca guadagnava quasi 10.000 dollari a settimana e si apprestava a fare il grande salto verso il cinema.

Dal 1972 (anno a cui risale il suo ultimo spettacolo di stand-up) ad oggi, Woody Allen ne ha fatte di cose: ha girato oltre 35 film (tra cui Io e AnnieManhattanHannah e le sue sorelle), ha vinto 5 Oscar, ha sposato la figlia adottiva della sua compagna, è diventato un’icona internazionale.

Per festeggiare l’ottantesimo compleanno di Woody Allen, metaphraze vi propone una serie di celebri citazioni (in inglese, of course!), tratte dalle sue opere (film, libri, monologhi).

Enjoy!

  • Don’t knock masturbation. It’s sex with someone I love. 
  • God is silent, now if only we can get Man to shut up. 
  • (of Annie’s parking) That’s OK, we can walk to the curb from here. 
  • (of sex) That was the most fun I ever had without laughing. 
  • A relationship, I think, is like a shark, you know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies. And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark. 
  • More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly. 
  • I was thrown out of N.Y.U. my freshman year for cheating on my metaphysics final, you know. I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me. 
  • If it turns out that there is a God, I don’t think that he’s evil. But the worst that you can say about him is that basically he’s an underachiever. 
  • I ran into Isosceles. He has a great idea for a new triangle! 
  • It’s not that I’m afraid to die. I just don’t want to be there when it happens.
  • Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends.
  • (on bisexuality) It immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
  • If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank. 
  • I recently turned 60. Practically a third of my life is over. 
  • It was partially my fault that we got divorced… I tended to place my wife under a pedestal. 
  • (talking about a suitable wedding gift for two heroin addicts) I got them a 16-piece starter set of silverware. All spoons.
  • I don’t believe in an afterlife, although I am bringing a change of underwear. 
  • They called me mad… But it was I – yes I – who discovered the link between excessive masturbation and entry into politics! 
  • Oh, he was probably a member of the National Rifle Association. It was a group that helped criminals get guns so they could shoot citizens. It was a public service. 
  • We have to take our possessions and flee. I’m very good at that. I was the men’s freestyle fleeing champion two years in a row. 
  • I had dated a woman briefly in the Eisenhower administration, and it was ironic to me, because I was trying to do to her what Eisenhower had been doing to the country for the last 8 years. 
  • I was in analysis. I was suicidal. As a matter of fact, I would have killed myself, but I was in analysis with a strict Freudian and if you kill yourself they make you pay for the sessions you miss.
  • I’m not a drinker — my body will not tolerate spirits. I had two Martinis on New Year’s Eve and I tried to hijack an elevator and fly it to Cuba. 

Happy Birthday, Mr Allen!